As a psychotherapist, I’m interested in what sits beneath the behaviours we often label as “negative”, “difficult” or “miserable”.

Because people rarely wake up and decide to become unhappy.

Our patterns of thinking, attention and relating are shaped over time, by our experiences, relationships, beliefs, environments and the ways we have learned to protect ourselves.

That doesn't mean we are powerless over those patterns.

It means understanding them gives us an opportunity to change them.

This is why I believe conversations about “miserable people” need a little more nuance. Sometimes what looks like negativity is pain. Sometimes it's insecurity. Sometimes it's learned helplessness. Sometimes it's simply a pattern that has gone unchallenged for a very long time.

And sometimes, if we're honest, we can recognise parts of ourselves in the very behaviours we find frustrating in other people.

The goal isn't to label people.

It's to become curious about the patterns and to understand where compassion, accountability and boundaries each have a place.

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